(I imagine that most professional healers [and “professional victims”] would refer to the above as abuse recovery or therapy or emotionally releasing the past or finding closure. Since I’m not a professional, and because it really did take that kind of energy for me, I call it “kicking the *#@% out of our past.”)
It simply makes sense that if we learn to be codependent to abuse in our childhood, we’re going to continue to be codependent to abuse in our adult relationships because that’s what feels familiar.
I have so little patience anymore for the people who ask, “why would you put up with that since you know what it did to you before?” Well, DUH! It’s because I know what it did to me before!
As human beings, we gravitate towards what we know, rather than dealing with the fear and uncertainty and anxiety of the unfamiliar. What would suddenly make me decide it’s OK to say “no” when that word had been beaten out of my vocabulary? Why would I have looked for a healthy partner before I believed I deserved one?
And so it was with me, after my father left.